


Nothing Like Forever Moon

by okayfj



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Getting Together, I'm sorry Tsukki stans, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Break Up, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:15:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27050050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okayfj/pseuds/okayfj
Summary: Yamaguchi knows love. He knows love to be an unforgiving, harsh thing. Love is something meant for his ex, Tsukishima, but not for him. Yamaguchi spends his nights in other men's beds, chasing the feelings of the past. He doesn't want anything to do with love, and love doesn't seem to like him any better. Until one stranger threatens to tear his views of lust and love and life into shreds.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 116





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for clicking on my fic! I hope you enjoy!

A cold hand sneaks under his shirt and to his chest and then before he knows what he’s doing he’s on his knees, lapping at the man before him with unmatched lust. 

It wasn’t always like this, Yamaguchi thinks. There was a time when it was just tender kisses and shy touches, whispered words of encouragement passed through voices filled with want. Things were easier back then, when his heart swelled with love at every thought of the other boy. Back when Yamaguchi didn’t know exactly what love was, was the only time he had it. 

Yamaguchi’s descend to hell had been slow and painful. 

It had begun with a beautiful boy. 

Tsukishima allowed himself to be called many things- asshole, prick, faggot- but never beautiful. Still, years later, Yamaguchi thinks of him as his beautiful first boyfriend. 

And that they were. Boyfriends. Tsukishima was the first to use the word, causally and nonchalantly as he always was. 

“I’m spending Saturday night with my boyfriend.” He had replied when asked if he was going to the popular kid’s birthday party. Tsukishima didn’t bother to say that neither of them had been invited. 

Saturday night was quiet. Tsukishima put on some music, something very alternative Yamaguchi didn’t recognize, and the two settled into Tskukishima bed and played card games. 

“Am I- Are we-” Yamaguchi stuttered, afraid to finish his own sentence. 

“Hm?” Tsukishima looked up from his hand. 

“Boyfriends.” Yamaguchi said so quietly that Tsukishima barely heard it. 

“Of course, Yamaguchi. Who else would be my boyfriend?” 

And that was that. 

Three months passed. Tsukishima got a new cap with a Dinosaur on it from Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi didn’t get anything from Tsukishima. 

Six months passed, and Tsukishima grew more beautiful than ever. His hair was growing down into his eyes now, complimenting his long legs, that had grown even longer in the two short years they had been in high school. Yamaguchi fell more in love with Tsukishima every day. 

It wasn’t like the taller boy didn’t know. They had been dating for a little less than a month when Yamaguchi first blurted, “I love you, Tsuki!” and Tsukishima had stopped in his tracks. 

“What?” 

“I said, I love you?” 

“We’re too young to love, Yamaguchi. You don’t understand love.” 

It had hurt then, but Tsukishima was right. Yamaguchi didn’t understand love. But love still came to him, and it wouldn’t let go of him. Yamaguchi stopped saying “I love you” after two months of Tsukishima not responding. 

Tsukishima wasn’t all cold scowls and sharp edges, though. Though Yamaguchi fell for those sharp edges and dark moments all the same, he basked in the light of Tsukishima’s soft moments. 

Tsukishima giggling after licking some strawberry cheesecake off Yamaguchi’s face. Tsukishima falling asleep in Yamaguchi’s lap. Tsukishima in the afterglow, smiling fondly and ruffling Yamaguchi’s messy hair. It lasted three years. Three years before love slipped through Yamaguchi’s hands. 

Kuroo Tetsurou was a magnificent creature. He was brilliant and athletic, and he was everything that Yamaguchi wasn’t. He pulled Tsukishima away from Yamaguchi with a bright smile and a booming laugh. 

“I don’t love you, Yamaguchi.” 

“I love him, Yamaguchi.” 

“Theres nothing you did wrong.” 

“This was always going to end.” 

Yamaguchi could do nothing but watch as his love, his forever moon, walked away. 

And so began the descend. 

Yamaguchi tried to keep on living. He went to his classes like he was supposed to, he paid rent on time and showed up to work early. He was spaced out and always far away from where he should’ve been, but he did his best. 

Somewhere along the way though, he stopped trying. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm boi

Yamaguchi wakes up in a stranger's bed not for the first time this week. His head hurts, only a little, though, and he can remember most of the night before pretty well, so everything isn’t too bad. This is just the cherry on the cake to the good week he’s been having.

Yamaguchi shrugs back into his clothes from the night before- found strewn across the floor and chairs- and checks his phone to be greeted with no messages from anyone. What a surprise.

He walks down the hallway and is greeted with a smile by his partner from last night, a brunet named Numajiri. He’s taller than Yamaguchi and thinner, but he’s all lean muscles and no fat. Yamaguchi specifically remembers bottoming the night prior.

“Morning” Numajiri says quietly, only glancing at Yamaguchi, and he’s hit with memories of an apathetic love from his past. Yamaguchi shakes away the visions of tan eyes and blonde hair and tries to focus on the man in front of him.

“How early did you get up? It’s like 8 now right? Are you a morning person?”

_Shut up and stop asking so many questions_ , a voice in his head says. Yamaguchi does his best to comply. It’s way too early to be fighting against himself.

“It’s like, 7:30. I got up around 6. I don’t really sleep, ever.” Numajiri looks down for a moment, then his eyes flicker back up to meet Yamaguchi’s. “Coffee?” He says, holding up the pot. Yamaguchi nods furiously.

They mostly drink their coffee in silence, save for Numajiri asking Yamaguchi when he has classes next (he doesn’t till Tuesday) and explaining that he doesn’t have to be at work until noon, so Yamaguchi is free to stay a while if he would like. Yamagishi politely declines- he left his medicine at home and it would be better for him if he doesn’t skip another day.

About 10 minutes pass, and as Yamaguchi prepares to go walk his walk of shame against campus, someone else walks through the door.

“Helllllooooo! I had a blast last night but- shit! Who’s this, Jiri?”

The man standing in the doorway has head full of wild bleached-yellow hair, pierced ears and he’s wearing a black turtleneck that doesn’t quite hide the hickeys creeping up his neck. He’s absolutely stunning, and Yamaguchi has to consciously keep his mouth from dropping open.

“I think you can guess who this is.” Numajiri says, laughing, “Yamaguchi meet my roomate, Terushima Yuji.”

“Terushima.” Yamaguchi says, just trying to see how the words feel in his mouth. They taste like honey.

“Yamaguchi.” Terushima says with a smile.

“Tadashi.” Yamaguchi replies.

“Tadashi?” Numajiri and Terushima say at the same time.

“My, uh, first name?” Yamaguchi feels himself flush red as he realizes Terushima may not have been asking.

Numajiri just blinks at him, but Terushima smiles even brighter than before. “Well, Yamaguchi, it looks like Jiri showed you a good time. Terushima nods at the hickey on Yamaguchi’s shoulder that he hadn’t even realized was visible.

“W-what?” Yamaguchi stutters, pulling up his sleeve to cover the mark.

Terushima giggles as Numajiri flicks him on the ear. “Don’t terrorize the boy! I’m sorry, Yamaguchi, for-”

“Don’t worry, he does the same thing to me.” Terushima explains, gesturing at the hickeys on his own neck.

Yamaguchi’s mind spins. Did he just earn himself the title of house wrecker? Or what if they’re going to try to get him to form some sort of harem? It’s not like he's opposed to polyamorous people, but he’s in no state to get into a relationship with any number of people and-

“Woah there freckles, you okay? You don’t look so good.” Terushima says, but Yamaguchi can barely hear him over the voice in his head.

_Fucking stupid idiot. You ruin everything for everyone, this is why you deserve to be left behind just like you’ve always been. Fucking house wrecker-_

The voice stops as soon as Numajiri puts a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’re not in a relationship or anything okay?”

“But you-”

“We just fuck sometimes that’s all, right Jiri? We’re roommates with benefits.” Terushima says, still looking mildly concerned for Yamaguchi.

“Yeah. That.” Numajiri says, rolling his eyes at Terushima’s words.

Yamaguchi takes a deep breath. “Well I better be off then,” he says, carefully keeping his voice from cracking. He walks towards the door. “Nice to meet you, Terushima. And Numajiri-”

“Just Jiri is fine.”

“Jiri.” Yamaguchi smiles shyly. “Thank you for everything.”

As he walks out the door he hears Terushima call, “See you, Freckles!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism is very much appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Yamaguchi was only half-focused on what Hinata was saying as they walked around the campus for the fifth time that night . The redhead was talking so quick he barely und erstood a word, but he kn ew what it was about already. It was the same  spiel it had been for the last two months. Kageyama’s so annoying, Kageyama’s so smart, I wonder what  Kageyama uses to wash his hair,  ect , ect.

They round ed a corner, and Hinata  stopped abruptly, looking at something ahead of them. 

“Wha-” Yamaguchi start ed , but he  stopped when he realize d what made Hinata free ze .

Bokuto , the ace of  Fukurodani , ha d his setter,  whose name Yamaguchi didn’t know , pinned up against the wall of the back of the gym.  They were only a few feet away, so they must have heard Hinata talking before, but they just kept staring into each other’s eyes.  The setter seemed out of breath, and  Bokuto ha d a small grin on his face, and they both looked more than happy. They looked...

_ in love. _

Yamaguchi fe lt his world shatter for a moment.  _ Boys can’t be in love, can they? They can be gay, sure, but that’s not the same thing, right _ _? It's not the same thing as when boys and girls do it, it’s not as intimate. You can’t love a boy, boys aren’t lovable, boys- _

Yamaguchi’s thoughts were cut off when Hinata grab bed his shoulder, took a deep breath, and yelled, “Hey!” much, much louder than he needed to. 

Bokuto pull ed his eyes away from his friend-  _ boyfriend? Can boys be boyfriends?  _ _ Then _ _ who’s the  _ _ girlfriend? - _ like looking away was the hardest thing in the world.  He threw his head back and let out a laugh, “It’s the jumpy little shrimp from  Karasuno ! What’s up, man?” The last remark sounded a little forced, like  Bokuto was trying to  break apart a wall of awkwardness. 

“I-uh...”

Yamaguchi gaped at Hinata. It was hard to get the re dhead to shut up most of the time- Yamaguchi had never seen him speechless before.  He looked up to see the setter raise an eyebrow and smile at them.  Yamaguchi felt dizzy.

Before Yamaguchi could come up with something to say to make up for Hinata’s sudden silence, the  quiet  setter  pull ed something  from his pocket and flip ped it around a couple of times in his hands.  Bokuto see med  to perk up at this, pushing  off the other boy and putting his back  against the wall, too. 

“You  smoke?” the setter said, holding the device out towards  Yamaguchi and Hinata. 

“Uh, we-”

“Yeah!” Hinata said. Yamaguchi almost gave himself whiplash from turning his head to look at Hinata so fast. The redhead wore the face he always wore w hen he was determined to do something stupid. “Yeah!” he repeated dumbly, “We smoke!”

Bokuto barked a laugh from behind the other boy. “You sure?” he said, voice bright and cheery , “You don’t have to if you don’t want to , shrimpy. Hey!”  Bokuto pushed himself off the wall and walked toward them . “You’re  Karasuno’s pinch server, right?” 

Yamaguchi felt his face heat up, suddenly shy, “Yeah, t-that's me.”

“Thats awesome dude!”  Bokuto was practically shouting at them.

“Calm down,  Bokuto .” The setter said, placing the small device in  Bokuto’s hand. 

Yamaguchi and Hinata watched with wonder as  Bokuto took it and put his lips to it.  He inhaled through the device, and then took it away from his lips. 

Seconds later, a foul-smelling cloud of white smoke form ed around  Bokuto’s mouth as he exhaled. 

“That hit’s the spot!”  Bokuto barked out, handing the device back to his friend. The setter smiled and mimicked  Bokuto , pulling the device to his lips and then exhaling a small cloud of white. 

“Woah!” Hinata said, having suddenly regained his  ability to spe ak much too loudly , “ What is that thing?”

Both  Bokuto and his friend barked with laughter.  “You smoke, huh?” The setter said. “This is a dab pen, want to try?”

“Dab as in...?” Hinata made a motion like he was coughing into his elbow. 

Bokuto keeled over with laughter and his friend made a face like Hinata had just done so mething disgusting. “Yeah, sure, dab as in that.” 

“How does it work?” Hinata asked, leaving Yamaguchi’s side and practically tripping over himself to get closer to the two older players. 

Yamaguchi scratched at the back of his neck, suddenly much more nervous than he was before. He felt himself step forward as the dark-ha ired boy explained to them how it worked and how to use it . 

“You just press this button,” he said, “and put your mouth  on it and inhale. Don’t do too much though, you could hurt yourself. ” 

“Alright!” Hinata said, still much too loud for Yamaguchi’s taste, considering they were doing drugs i n the back of a high school. Hinata took the pen from the setter and held it up to his lips.

“Like this?” He said around the base of the pen, pushing down the button and taking a deep breath through his mouth. Yamaguchi watched in horror as Hinata’s eyes got big and he coughed violently, whisps of white smoke  leaking out through the corners of his mouth. 

“ W-woah.” Hinata continued coughing and hacking and Yamaguchi suddenly regretted leaving his phone on his bed- what if he needed to  call an ambulance- surely  Bokuto or his friend would have phone, right?

“What about you, Mr. Pinch Server?”  Bokuto said as he took the device from Hinata, “You want to have a go?” 

“Uh, I uh, um...” Yamaguchi stuttered, trying to search for the words to say no. After all, what would  T sukki think if he found out  Yamaguchi did drugs with two seniors in the back of the gym? Two probably  gay seniors at that. 

“We also have this ,” He said, pulling out what looked like a small box with an  antenna , “It’s not  as good as weed but it still gives you a buzz. What’d you say?” 

“I-” 

“It won’t hurt to try it, dude.”

Yamaguchi looked over at Hinata, who had recovered and was now looking at  Bokuto’s friend  like he held the secrets of the universe. 

“Sure...” Yamaguchi said, and listened closely as  Bokuto taught him how to use it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the weird spaces in this chapter, I'm still very new to AO3 and I haven't quite figured everything out yet. Constructive criticism is very much appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

Yamaguchi ’s apartment may be dingy and too small to entertain in (not like  _ he _ has any friends to entertain anyways) but at least it’s not  smoke free, and relatively close to campus. 

Yamaguchi lights up a  cigarette on  the balcony out front and smokes slowly. He doesn’t smoke often, he tries to limit himself to just a  handful every week, but he  figures he  deserves one after almost having a panic attack in a nearly-stranger's apartment at 8 am on a  Sunday . 

H is phone vibrates for a moment in his pocket, and he lets out a small sigh. The only p eople that really text him anymore  are  his mom or his roommate, and he’s not really in the mood to talk to either of them right now.  Nevertheless, he checks his phone. 

Tiny Giant: I’m free all day tomorrow! Breakfast? Lunch? Dinner?

Yamaguchi smiles at the name that had been put into his phone years and years ago and types a reply. 

Yamaguchi:  Lunch is fine, your choice.

Tiny Giant: Alright!

Hinata texts him the address of a restaurant not too far from campus and Yamaguchi is grateful for  tha t \-  he  doesn’t  like walking across town and he’s too broke to uber anywhere. 

Yamaguchi slides his phone back into his pocket, snuffs out his cigarette and  heads inside. The apartment is quiet \- his roommate,  Kogane gawa , must still be asleep or have left  already. Their apartment is  small, and the appliances are old and abused looking, but it’s clean. One thing Yamaguchi didn’t expect from Kogane is for him to be a clean fre ak, but Yamaguchi wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Yamaguchi’s own room is cluttered, though. His bed is pushed into the far corner of the room an d there’s bookshelves and all sorts of clutter pushed against the walls. Half of his bed is covered with books-  he has a bad habit of studying in bed until he falls asleep \- and the  windowsills and covered with the corpses of dead plants.  There’s a mirror facing his door, and he takes a moment to look at himself. 

Despite the disturbing amount of  sleep he gets on weekends,  his eyes are still  shadowed with dark circles. His hair is as unruly as ever, and his lips are pale and chapped. Yamaguchi  moves his shirt out of the way to look at the hickey Jiri gave him the night before,  right above his collar bone. He tries to think of the way Jiri looked  a top of him the night be fore, but his thoughts flicker to  the other boy:  Terushima . He thinks about the hickeys painted on the side of his neck and the way he had said the two were,  ‘ Roommates with benefits. ’ Heat flairs in his abdomen and he scrubs a  disappointed hand ove r his face. 

_ Can’t you go 24 hours without having a wank? _

Yamaguchi flings himself down onto his mattress and is asleep within seconds. 

According to Yamaguchi’s standards, Hinata  Shoyo defintiely has his life together. Gone are the days when Yamaguchi laughed at Hinata for his failing grades; the tables have completely turned on the two of them, academic wise.  Hinata doesn’t effortlessly pass his classes like Yamaguchi did in  high school , though.  Yamaguchi knows for a fact that Hinata works three times harder than any other college student he knows .  What with  constantly going above and beyond in his classes, and volleyball practice, the boy barely has any time to himself. 

When he does get time to himse lf, Yamaguchi knows Hinata would rather spend time with  Kageyama then him. Kageyama and him fi nally got together in their third year of  high school , and the two have been even more  inseparable than before  ever since. 

That’s why it’s so surprising that Hinata asks Yamaguchi if he  wants to come over and play video games after lunch on  Monday.  Yamaguchi doesn’t have anything better to do, though, and it’s been a while since properly hung out with someone. 

They walk to Hinata’s apartment, which is about three miles away from campus, but Yamaguchi doesn’t mind because Hinata has promised to buy him an uber home and he keeps the convers ation lively with descriptions of what all his friends from high school volleyball are doing now.  Yamaguchi has kept up with some of them, like  Fuk u rodani’s setter,  Akaashi , but he wouldn’t call any of them his friends like H inata does. 

They arrive at Hinata’s apartment and Yamaguchi’s mind is flooded with memories.  He hasn’t been here in a long time, but he remembers Hinata’s housewarming party,  and helping him move out of his mom’s house.  He  remembers when Kageyama moved in, too, and their fight about where Hinata should park his bike, and about who should do the grocery shopping, and, well, the two of them  fought a lot that  night. _ A lot has changed since then _ _ , _ __ Yamaguchi thin ks, and he feels  a familiar and sad tug on his heart strings. 

Hinata locks his bike to the  railing of the front porch and goes to unlock the door. He unlocks it swiftly, but then hesitates. Yamaguchi tries not to start. Hinata never hesitates,  unless something is really scaring him. 

“What is it?” The words spill out of Yamaguchi’s mouth. 

“Sorry the place is just, a bit of a mess right now.” 

“Thats okay- you should see my room right now.”

Hinata huff out a laugh and  opens the door and  _ woah, okay, he wasn’t kidding.  _ Hinata’s apartment,  once tidy and  clean, is absolutely wrecked. There’s papers and books all over the kitchen table, and clothes strung over the chairs and carpet. He can barely see the kitchen sink because there’s so many dishes piled up on the countertops, and there’s  a mound of  empty  take out boxes .

Yamaguchi does his best not to gape at Hinata or his apartment, but he really doesn’t know what to look at, so he settles for inspecting his beat -up converse. 

“It’s that bad, huh?” Hinata says, and Yamaguchi loo ks up .  He’s smiling, albeit shyly,  and shrugging off his jacket. 

Yamaguchi brings his hand up to scratch at the back of his neck. “It’s- uh...”

Hinata shakes his head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have invited you back. I wasn’t thinking how bad it was.”

“Do you want me to go?” Yamaguchi asks. The mess doesn’t really bother him, but he doesn’t want to  embarrass Hinata  any more than he already has. 

“No!” Hinata says a little too loudly, and Yamaguchi almost smiles. H inata’s okay then, if he’s talking normally , right? Hinata turns on his heel and walks towards the couch. “Kenma  just sent me a bunch of new ones to try out if  you  want to , or we could just play like, smash or COD or something.”

“ Let’s try something new. ” Yamag uchi tells him , settling on the floor in front of the TV .

“Awesome!”

As Yamaguchi waits for Hinata to set up the PS4, he notices that the house isn’t just messy- it's practically empty. He notices that all the blankets and pillows that were once on the couch are packed into boxes, and there’s bags of clothes near the door- the only thing that doesn’t seem to be boxed up is the TV and  the PS4, but even the movies and games are missing. 

“You didn’t tell me you were moving.” Yamaguchi says as Hinata hands him a controller. 

Hinata freezes. “What?”

“Everything’s all packed away.” Yamaguchi explains. 

“Thats- I’m not moving. That’s Kageyama’s stuff.” 

“What?” Yamaguchi feels anxie ty bubble up in his chest. 

“We broke up.” Hinata says, and if Yamaguchi didn’t know Hinata as well as he does Hinata would  sound calm, almost nonchalant, but to him Hinata sounds like he’s tired, like he’s about to break.

Yamaguchi feels his heart drop . “Hinata....”

“It’s okay, I’m fine.” His voice cracks, but Yamaguchi doesn’t see any tears in his eyes. 

“What happened?”

Hinata looks at the ceiling and takes a deep breath. “He thought I cheated on him. I didn’t though.”

There’s a long silence where Hinata continues glaring at the ceiling and Yamaguchi can’t peel his eyes away from Hinat a. It’s chilling, because Hinata’s never silent. Yamaguchi is racking his mind for something to say, but he’s never been very good at voicing his sympathy. 

In the end, it’s Hinata that breaks the silence. “Sorr y .”

Yamaguchi  can’t stop himself from  shaking his head . He should be the one apologizing, not Hinata.  He tells him so, and when Hinata finally looks back  down at him he can tell the other boy is on the verge of tears. 

“For not telling you, for letting it end, for-” he breaks off in a sob. Yamaguchi’s heart  aches for him. Hinata covers his face with his forearm and cries, and then Yamaguchi can’t take it anymore. 

“Come here.” he says, and Hinata doesn’t comply at first, but then he slowly crawls over to Yamaguchi’s spot on the floor  and Yamaguchi pulls the smaller boy into his arms. 

Yamaguchi’s always been better with touches than he has with words, and he’s been told such by many people. It’s why he and Tsukishima worked so  well- but he shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. Not unless he wants to start crying, too.  Instead, he thinks about Hinata, usually  bright and excitable, now reduced to a shaking crying mess in Yamaguchi’s arms.  Hinata isn’t really sobbing, but he’s shaking, and Yamaguchi can feel where Hinata’s tears have soaked into his shirt. 

Yamaguchi cards his fingers through Hinata’s soft, curly hair and he feels Hinata let out a sigh.  The smaller boy inhales deeply and pulls away from Yamaguchi’s grasp. 

“Yama...” Hinata’s eyes are still glossy with tears, but there's something in them that wasn’t there  beforehand.

Yamaguchi barely only registers why and where he’s seen that look before when H inata presses his lips against Yamaguchi’s

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to formally apologize to any Yamaguchi stans for putting this dear boy through so much pain! If this work seems familiar or you think I based it off another work, it's because I probably did. There were just so many I thought the list would be too long! Let me know if you want to see it, and let me know how you like the story! Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.


End file.
